Entries from December 2007 ↓

“It is amazing the little things you remember.“ I hear that a lot. I have to explain to people I didn’t completely lose my [tag]memory[/tag]. There is a definite event horizon with a peak that has an almost tangible slope down hill from that point where my [tag]recognition[/tag] seems to get murky and black. At one point the best analogue would have been to say that the c.d. just sometimes skipped, but thats not exactly true. I have a somewhat better representation. If you took a clean pair of glasses that was my mind before the seizures. I had a pretty good sense of recall. then you took both of your thumbs and licked them and placed them near the center of your field of vision leaving wet thumb prints. The initial smudges would be impossible to see through but if you looked around the edges you could see. Thats my far past, my childhood, that I can recall, but My near [tag]past[/tag] is smudged, and the closer I get the worse the smudges are until I get to the point where I can’t see at all around January to June of 07. I have pictures and things I have written and all I get is a vague sense of deja-vu. Even now when I read my notes it seems like I am peeking in on someone else’s thoughts and secrets. When my friends tell me stories at parties I have to play along or fill in details that I have heard from someone else or read their body language and use context clues. I have to ask about people I have known for years or wait till it is quiet to ask about people I have just met because I forgot everything they just told me.

My short term memory is still spotty even after six months. I sometimes substitute words even when I know the correct terminology but I freeze up in conversation because I can’t recall the exact phrase quickly enough. It gets old extremely quickly, and I grow tired of having to explain my problems to people. Even the condensed version is starting to take to long to explain. There is no fast easy way to explain to people why the person they remember as being in near perfect health no longer has any short term memory, or twitches when stressed.

One day I would like to read my journal and be able to clearly recall what happened and not feel like I should be referring to the person in those notes in the third person past tense.

A few months ago I built myself a [tag]fixed[/tag] [tag]gear[/tag] [tag]bicycle[/tag] , and few weeks ago I broke it. The rear wheel came apart like the back of a dress on prom night. Luckily I was able to limp on home, but it was obvious that I would be without that [tag]bike[/tag] for a bit.
Luckily for me almost all the places I needed to order parts from were throwing [tag]Christmas[/tag] sales, and I took this as a sign I should go ahead and get all of my planned upgrades out of the way. In the end I went from this

to this
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I added a new [tag]Mavic[/tag] Open pro rear wheel, a Fsa saddle, a set of pedals to replace the pair I bent, a pair of toe clips to replace the pair I stole off my dad’s bike, a new pair of handle bars which I haven’t really decided on yet, and a few other small odds and ends.

A few nights ago I learned several important things:

1)The auto focus no longer works on my camera

2)Australians play pool a lot differently than Americans

3)Australians think that Fosters beer is an embarrassment to the country

I spent my evening several days ago talking about the finer points of southern culture and bicycling with two Australian guys while playing several rounds of pool in a dive bar. Toby and Will are both spending several weeks in country visiting family and friends and there first stop was Birmingham. While here they wanted to sample some of our legendary fine southern dining before heading up north. the only place open was waffle house, but I think they got the point.
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A bit back I found this picture on flickr and decided I wanted to reverse [tag]engineer[/tag] a [tag]bag[/tag] from it.

It became even easier when I found a picture of his all his bag parts laid out, then I just had to use the items lying around the room for reference and I was able to draw up my own [tag]pattern[/tag].
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I finally finished my own [tag]messenger[/tag] bag using the new pattern I drew up tonight. I think I did a fairly decent job in the end. I plan on going riding with it tomorrow to see how it feels. Since there are a lot fewer pieces it took less cutting and sewing and it weighs tons less, it also has fewer pockets as a trade off.
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This was also my first trying [tag]appliqué[/tag] in a very long time. That was a lot of fun and I am pretty pleased with the results of the entire bag overall.
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Cycling around the car [tag]wreck[/tag] I notice that all the [tag]lights[/tag] on the street are unlit. That really should have been my first clue that something was wrong. Once I got to the corner where the [tag]bar[/tag] sits and all the lights were off, but the place still tightly packed with bodies, that should have been clue my that something was very very [tag]wrong[/tag], but I walked in anyway and asked the door guy what’s going on.

“we are having a black out party get in here and find the manager!”
me:“screw you guys, I am going home!”
“Leave and I will cut you!”
me“ what are we supposed to do, hold candles and sing we are the world?”

So I find the manager who informs me that at that point the power had been out for over an hour and the performers had gotten prepped by [tag]candle[/tag] light. The candles we were using were a combination of tea candles and small hand candles from a benefit show from when a co-worker died a few weeks ago. There was not really enough light to make much happen. But it was probably a great night to get laid if you were ugly. We were prepared to make things happen no matter what. The d.j. had backed his car onto the curb and up to the side door and popped his trunk in an to provide the music with his car sound system which is obscenely loud. One of the other security guys delivers flowers during the day and we raided his shop for some real candles and got some that were bright enough to light the entire stage, but in the process of lighting them my only thoughts were of twirling costumes, the band [tag]Great White[/tag], and the word WHOOOOOOOSH!

Lately I have lost several truly [tag]epic[/tag] [tag]blog[/tag] [tag]entries[/tag] or they have been a lot less than detailed than I would have liked, because they were not committed to paper fast enough. Usually what goes into the creation of a good blog post is; something interesting happens, then I replay the events back in my head several times, it helps if I have pictures because I edit them at this point, then I usually walk back and forth and tell the story out loud to develop a pace. Some of the post on this site you can tell were originally developed to be told in person. If you have ever had the good fortune to hear me tell the “Frozen toy story” it sounds well practiced because it really is. Lastly once I am satisfied that I write a rough draft and edit it once or twice before uploading it, unfortunately even then sometimes I miss errors.

Recently I have been trying to use this same method of writing and either I get frustrated because I can’t recall enough detail from the event to satisfy me, or I end up aggravated because I keep finding huge grammatical errors. I think I am going to have to mix up my writing style some and start committing things to notebook before I type them up and try to develop my pacing from that. I hate doing that due to the amount of work involved but it has worked in the past, and hopefully it will lend to something more akin to previous levels of quality.

I make it a point to keep a notebook with me. I think I am going to start making notes for blog post more and more often now.

I want to paint a [tag]picture[/tag].
I lean forward, head cocked to one side, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, mouth pursed. That look of vague recognition. Something familiar but I can’t exactly place. This scene happens all the time with me I probably look exactly like the RCA dog. Everyday out there is someone or something that carries an odd sense of deja-vu or feels like a slightly smeared copy of a [tag]xerox[/tag].

At this point anyone who says 50 first dates is a cute movie can bite my ass. It is hard to maintain any kind of interpersonal [tag]relationship[/tag] even on the friendship level, when every couple of days you have to ask someone what their name is. Plus it can be very difficult to get close to people without a monumental effort on their part when you can’t even remember how close you are with them on a day to day basis, and truthfully there is no polite way to say,” I don’t [tag]remember[/tag] what you look like [tag]naked[/tag].”

At one point in time the strength of my blog was the fact that I wrote exactly the way I spoke, and I was able to colorfully communicate a scene. I actually had to make it a point to edit a paragraph as little a possible.

I have noticed the voice in my writing has changed a lot but then even my general tone and speech pattern has changed and i have to edit the crap out of everything I write. I tend to drop subjects and lose my place mid sentence sometimes. I am really curious if I do that when talking to people because I know I do it in emails and when instant messaging. And I am really curious if people assume I am on drugs or not.

One of the many perks of having my [tag]memory[/tag] [tag]fried[/tag] is that I tend [tag]forget[/tag] to update my site.

My week has been pretty interesting. I got [tag]published[/tag] again. This week a [tag]picture[/tag] I took and my name appeared in the Dec. 6th-13th issue of the Birmingham Weekly

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I am still feeling pretty rough from my last seizure. I also got suspended from my day job until the beginning of the new year and I decided to bow out of the normal group rides I usually attend, but I will be attending two races in [tag]Atlanta[/tag] on Saturday. The first is Santa’s Little Messenger A benefit race for Toys for Tots in downtown Atl. And the Second is Thrasfh and mash which has a no brakes stipulation. Which is no biggie to me since I ride brakeless anyway, but I have never ridden with a group of brakeless people, and the last person I met who rode without brakes was running a stupid gear ratio.

I intend on taking an Amtrak out to Atl at this point. It will give me a chance to get some writing done and true my rear wheel, and with my luck I will end up with an interesting story to tell.

Lastly, whenever I tell people I work security they always ask me if I have seen the [tag]movie[/tag] roadhouse. I am starting to think I need to rent it.

The last thing I said was,“I feel ok, I promise.”
Then thud! Another seizure. I don’t remember what happened, I only remember coming to and seeing the crowd around me and asking how long I had been out for.

All of my muscles are sore now, and I am in a fair amount of pain. I called into work today. I really think I need the rest.

Apparently I almost reflexively punched someone in the face while the where looking in my pockets for my wallet.