Find The Jake

If you haven’t tried hitch-hiking, I encourage you to give a go. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years.

1. Keep an open mind. Getting into a stranger’s vehicle is always an adventure and one best experienced with a wide range of acceptance. Avoid politics and religion at all costs! Else you might find yourself pulled over to the side of a forgotten dirt road in the Colorado Rockies being anointed with oil and having your eternal soul prayed for by a traveling big-tent revivalist. After a long half-hour of his and his wife’s tears, prayers, singing and dancing, I did get to my stop but I learned to be mindful of the driver’s ideas before spouting my own.
2. Always check the sobriety of the driver. I cannot stress this enough. It is one thing to accidentally get into a car with a couple of mafia guys and another thing entirely to get in with a drunk driver. Your fun hitching experience just became a white-knuckled “oh god! oh god! I don’t wanna die! oh god! oh god!” experience. In retrospect, the anointing was probably a good precursor to the drunken Mini Cooper ride of death. It made roller coasters feel like the tilt-a-whirl.
3. Showers are clutch. As a hitcher I feel it’s just common courtesy to not smell or look like the ditch you were sleeping in while waiting for a ride. Put on some decent looking clothes and a smile. You’ll get farther, faster.
4. Direct tactics almost always work. Like walking up to someone in the rental car facility. It lets them know you are a normal person just looking for a lift and sets them more at ease. It’ll get you places faster than standing next to the airport exit ramp, and if by some chance you forget your favorite book on the seat, you can trace the car through the rental agency.
5. Avoid telling them your final destination. Always ask where they are headed instead of the other way around. I made the mistake of informing the Mini Cooper guy of my final stop, so there was no saying “Oh hey look, there’s my stop!” You can always get out early that way if you aren’t happy with the lack of legroom in the back seat. That, and your buddy’s “Dude, why did I let you talk me into this” look. Which leads me to…
6. Start with a buddy. If you are a first time hitcher, grab a friend. It’ll make you more confident and relaxed, a much easier way to enjoy the ride.
7. The most important rule: Be a hoopy frood and always know where your towel is.

R.I.P. Douglas Adams