That line about CNN is fucking harsh, btw
Fluent - English (native), German
Capable - French, Spanish, Dutch, Czech
Know some (swear) words - Japanese, Russian, Portuguese, Serbo-croatian (Austrians lump Bosnian onto S-C, making Bosno-serbo-croatian. Anybody know if that's legit?), Italian, Afrikaans, Polish.
I learned French from my mother and in high school, German from my grandfather and in college, and I'm currently trying to teach myself Dutch (to use with a fellow American who seems to know it by virtue of having the name Hoogerhuis) and Russian, but Russian is slow-going. I've been working on it off and on for a month, but only really have the alphabet and numbers, and half a dozen phrases (thank you, my name is..., how to call somebody a dick). However, if anybody out there is trying to find ways to verbally defend themselves, they need to check out the Swearsaurus. Last I checked, it had curses and curse words in at least 150 languages. The Serbian ones are some of the best, I used them to impress south slav flatmates a ton this year. My favorites for sheer brutality were "may god make you to look for your children with a geiger counter," "may your mother recognize you in a hamburger" and "I hope you see your house on CNN."