When to break up or not

Canadian Bacon

Canadian Bacon

Artist of Life
Hello tpunks

Again, I rely on your wisdom.

Being that I have only been (and am in) one long relationship in my life.. I am having serious doubts. I have never been someone who does important things casually or hastily, and I count relationships as important. But lately I have been thinking that this long distance relationship with my girlfriend cannot really last. More than that, I don't know if I feel "it" anymore.

The question is: when do you know when to break up?

CB

PS: I just got back from the bars, and I am trashed. But I am glad that I am cuz, if I wasn't, I probably wouldn't have the guts to start this tread.
 
I know where you're at. I've done long distance once, which didn't work out, because we grew apart quickly. Don't drag it on longer that it needs to be. It sucks to have to go through a breakup, but it is your life and try to follow your instinct! Otherwise you may look back at this later and see that it's dragged out more than it should be......
And remember, in a relationship you make each other happy. There are always those rocky points, but if ultimately what you want isn't there, realize it and change it for the better, whatever it takes. PS I am trashed too. But in all sincerity! :)
 
Take it from someone who consistently stays in relationships way too long, it is not worth it at all! You end up feeling regret and usually end it on a bad note.

If your not feeling 'it' move on, you will feel better for it in the long run even if it sucks now.

Ultimately the decision is yours and situations all differ, i'm sure you'll make the decision which is right for you in the end :)
 
I've done two long distance relationships - one with a girl in scotland and one where the then gf went to study in the US for a year..

The girl in scotland - just came down to the fact that we could never really be in each others lives the way we wanted due to the distance. It's sad but true..

The girl who went to the US - we coped while she was away but once she came back we had both changed and it just wasn't what it was before hand.

I guess it comes down to if you are having doubts, the distance won't fix them, it only makes things worse.

Take the good memories you have and make a fresh start before those memories get tainted by your feelings...
 
Is there any possibility of you two being together permenantly (as in, in the same city) any time soon? I think if there is, that always gives hope to the relationship. My guy is just about to move to my city, it's been on the cards for a while, and in my opinion, that is part of what kept it going.

It's easy to become blase about a relationship, and not be sure if "it" is there any more, when you're hardly ever seeing each other. When you DO get to see each other, is that spark still there?

If the spark is still there, and there's some hope of the relationship progressing, then I say hang in there and stick it out until you can judge the relationship properly. If there's nothing to look forward to, then I'd be inclined to say it's time to let it go.

Good luck.
 
Lauren makes a big point - is there a light at the end of the tunnel of the whole thing... will you eventually be together geographically? If not, there's no point!

I'm in something similar right now with someone who is still down in NC... our schooling and careers are not going in the same direction - he wants to stay where he's at and I'd rather kill myself than go back there, so I'd never marry him so we could go to the same place. He's not willing to budge with what he wants and neither am I... so really what is the point?

And the longer you wait, the harder it gets... Especially if you're not feeling "it" anymore. And especially if it was your first and big serious relationship - that one is the hardest to let go and it will always stay with you partially. But sometimes you gotta do what's best for you, ya know?

Good luck!
 
That's some great advice from Lauren - if there is a big chance you two can have a proper relationship sometime in the near future then perhaps you should wait to see if that works out before you decide to take that step.

Yet as she said, do you still have that spark when you are together? Or do you still feel like you perhaps should break up?

That should give you an answer as to whether the relationship's worth the effort. However, if this is going to be a permanent long-distance relationship I don't think anyone could blame you for ending it - spark or no spark.

Anyway - how are you feeling about it all now you've sobered up?!
 
getawaygal said:
If there is no hope to be together permanently in the future, then just break it off now.
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That's the tough part since it's hard to think straight when you've invested so much time, energy, and emotions into the relationship. Looking back, you'll wonder why it took you so long to make the decision. But, when you're actually going through it, it's so dang hard!:mf_plasmawhore:
 
travelpunk said:
That's the tough part since it's hard to think straight when you've invested so much time, energy, and emotions into the relationship. Looking back, you'll wonder why it took you so long to make the decision. But, when you're actually going through it, it's so dang hard!:mf_plasmawhore:
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I agree, it's hard but there's no looking back. I prefer making more memories with another person than to be stuck in a toxic relationship for the rest of my life.
 
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